The Only Way To Change Your Reaction To Others

I was in a training today teaching about the 4 main personality types, and their impact on your ability to lead a team. One of the participants asked a question – “How do I stop being so demanding of my team and pushing them way too hard – because it ends up in them losing morale and tension in the team”.

The answer to this question is so simple, yet it is one of the greatest lessons in life, and one of the hardest things we could ever do (when you don’t know how and have never been taught).

It all comes down to your relationship with yourself. Here is how. 

Every single relationship in your life, and how you treat others, is a direct reflection of how you treat yourself. This leader is only exceptionally hard on others because they are hard on themselves. And at no point in time, now, or in the future – will they ever be able to lead others with more compassion and empathy, until those things can be displayed to themselves. Hence, an easy answer, which is harder to implement.

This particular individual grew up as a high achiever. They had to be the best at everything. They always needed to get a result or an outcome. They accepted nothing less than the best in life. This set them up to move up in the ranks really quickly and move into leadership roles, as they just got shit done and made things happen. 

However, the dark side of this is that this individual was exceptionally hard on themselves and never let themselves a minute to rest. If they did, the internal dialogue would be that they are ‘lazy’ and ‘worthless’. It was their internal belief that if they weren’t doing something – they were redundant and worth nothing. 

Can you imagine – how could this person ever expect to communicate with their team any differently whilst this is running through their consciousness every day? It is unlikely that this leadership style would ever change until self-leadership takes place. 

ONLY once the internal dialogue changes, can the external dialogue change.

It is the premise of every great leader.

It is completely transformational for the inner world, and the external environment it has an impact on.

So – if you want to develop your capacity to communicate and relate to others – look within before you look to a solution as a bandaid on the outside. 

Live Out Loud 

Gab Denman